i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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