My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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