Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
