I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
