and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
