btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
