Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
