Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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