you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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