I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
