Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
