Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize