Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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