haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
