I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
