good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
