I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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