Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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