just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You're like the curious george of whores
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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