So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
