Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
