if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
