Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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