bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize