So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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