Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
