Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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