90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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