i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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