Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
