Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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