I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I smell stomach acid.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
