in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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