i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize