i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
