Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"