She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.