Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
