just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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