I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize