Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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