So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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