what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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