There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
