you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
