I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
