I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Randomize
