I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's get the cat blown out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
