i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
