I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
