It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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