i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
