if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
