Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
