just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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