yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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