I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
