Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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