the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
