If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
