I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
