I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
