So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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