Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
