woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
