"it" just moved
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
