soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
