this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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