I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
