a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my being single is dangerous.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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