Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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